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10 Things to Complain About Now That the Pirates Are Spending Close to Nine Figures

A frozen PNC Park via @DaveDiCello

A frozen PNC Park via @DaveDiCello

With the addition of Jung-ho Kang, the Pirates’ payroll keeps getting closer to that $100,000,000 mark people thought the Pirates under Bob Nutting would never exceed. Still some people can never be happy. Here are some things for them to complain about now that it’s getting harder and harder to complain about what the Pirates are willing to invest.

10) The Weather

“Hey, is it cold enough for you?”

“I can’t tell if my pipes are frozen or the water main busted again. Wait, there goes a salt truck. Guess it’s the water main.”

“I’m wearing a Penguins jersey over a Steelers jersey over a Pirates free Friday T-shirt and I’m still cold. We need an NBA team.”

“I’m moving with my Aunt Mel in Florida.”


9) Pitt Can’t Make Free Throws

“I can shoot free throws better than that! Put me on scholarship.”


8) The Wait At Burgatory

“Four damned locations and I still have to wait for a table!”

“Forty-five minutes?!?!? I can put an egg on my own burger at home.”

“I read this f’ing flow chart mural fifteen times and I still don’t see how it’s supposed to funny.”


7) The Bike Lanes

“Where are the twenty people who use Penn Avenue heading east from downtown going to go now that the bike lanes are in?”

“I crossed Penn Avenue at 2 AM last Wednesday and not one bike. What a waste!”

“I live in the suburbs and work downtown. I buy a cup of coffee from a national chain everyday. Therefore, city government should bend to my desires.”


6) Pittsburgh Dad

“Screw him for hating Pittsburgh and hockey. I love it so much I rooted for Canada in the last Olympics to support Sid.”


5) Things You Don’t Really Understand, Ergo They Must Be Bad

“Drones? Why don’t you just set up a camera in your living room so Obama can watch?”

“3D Printing is going to take our jobs. Forget the ISIS. I’m worried about ROBOTS.”

“Who the hell would want to eat tofu?”


4) Radio Country Music Invasion

Seriously complain away. You have grounds to.


3) Kids Today

“Get your ears out from under that hat and bend the brim. You must have terrible work ethic.”

“I’ll judge this generation all I want, even if the generation before mine said exactly the same things about me when I was 20.”

“Damned too tight pants. Just as bad as the pants around the ass.”


2) Cornerbacks

“If the Steelers don’t draft a cornerback in the first round, they’ll never be any good.”

“Every NFL team is flawless except for the Steelers who don’t have a cornerback.”

“Good cornerbacks don’t get beat downfield…EVER.”


1) Your Mother

“I keep on telling her, ‘I’m 37 years. Stay the hell out of my room. That counts for the whole basement.'”

“Mom’s out with a guy at bingo. She goes on more dates than I do.”

“My mom keeps on telling me one day I’ll keep a job for more than three months if I just stop being so pissed off. She’s full of crap.”



Steve is a naturalized yinzer hailing originally from just north of Allentown, PA. He came to Pittsburgh to attend Duquesne University and decided to stick around after graduation. Steve is best known for his contributions to Duquesne hoops community as the owner of the Duquesne Dukes forum on Yuku and as the former editor of We Wear the Ring on the Fansided network. He is an avid Pirates fan, home cook and policy nerd. He is the co-founder of the Point of Pittsburgh. Easily irritated by people who misuse the word regress.

6 Comments on 10 Things to Complain About Now That the Pirates Are Spending Close to Nine Figures

  1. Can we complain that even at 100M they are still near the bottom of MLB payroll? Not that I think they should be spending more, but its a legitimate point.

    Bike lanes….I would be ok if they stopped at bus station, but cutting off Penn Ave in the cultural district is a bit ridiculous.

    • Kevin Creagh // January 16, 2015 at 10:55 AM //

      Agree, Tom. As I stated in Monday’s payroll article, there’s an argument to be made that the Pirates could be spending around $115 to $120M on payroll, based on potential revenues.

      TV contracts are the “rising tide that lifts all boats”. All payrolls are going up and $140M is the new $100M

    • Steve DiMiceli // January 16, 2015 at 12:48 PM //

      In the end, the gripe about how much they spend is a irrelevant as long as they win with what they spend. There is simply not a magic number that if you spend beyond it that you’re guaranteed to win a World Series or even to be competitive. $100 M has been the most recent arbitrary cut off point people seem to clamor for. I recall it being $80 at one point.

      Don’t get me wrong it helps to spend a lot and extends the margin error GM’s have significantly. The Pirates can’t eat bad contracts the way teams in Boston, or Los Angeles or New York or even St Louis can. Philly used to be able to eat bad contracts until ALL their contracts turned into bad ones. I think the Pirates are showing you can have nice things and live within your means. As their means increases, they spend more as they said they would. Maybe, they could spend a little more, but it doesn’t mean they have to or should.

      That said, 95 million should put them into the middle third of league up from 26th last year according to ESPN. That’s a considerable jump IMO.

      As for bike lanes in the cultural district, it was dead transportation space along the entire corridor and it has a chance long term with bike lanes.

      • Kevin Creagh // January 16, 2015 at 3:29 PM //

        $95M is going to put them right around 20th in overall payroll, by my projection. Lot of teams investing the new TV cash.
        My issue with the payroll (and this isn’t a Nutting Is Cheap rant) is that this team did enough to keep themselves in the mix for a Wild Card, but not enough to strongly challenge for the NL Central Division.

        If there truly is $15 to $20M being allocated for non-payroll things, rather than another SP or better 1B situation, then that’s disconcerting.

        • Strongly disagree. Yes they ‘spent enough’ to get them to the wild card and yes they did spend enough to ‘strongly compete’ for the NL central.. They where competing for the NL central title up until game 162 last year.

          Starting pitching is adequite once injuries are sorted out, though another top of the rotation guy would be nice. But do agree a sure everyday first basemen for $10mil or so would be great

          • Kevin Creagh // January 26, 2015 at 12:23 PM //

            When I look at the Cardinals, I see a team that is a strong favorite for the NL Central. They replaced their (unfortunately deceased) future All-Star RF with a potential All-Star RF. They’re in the market for Shields or a trade for another high-end pitcher. They have had a more productive farm than the Pirates, plus have higher payroll capability.

            The Pirates maintained the status quo of being a contender. They didn’t advance themselves to division title favorite for me.

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